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BUT SO WHAT IF I SIMPLY SHOOT?
Sunday, June 06, 2004
Snatch thieves are on the rise. So we too must rise to the occasion.
If there is any kind of people I hate, it is the thieves. Dem crooks. If they rob from the rich and give to the poor, then it may be a different matter. But snatch thieves prey on the little girls, old women, fat people, the immobile, the defenseless, the ones who can’t retaliate. And dem snatch thieves are thin, skinny and weak. Either that, or they are fat, clumsy losers who can’t find a better way to make money. That’s why they go for those who are weaker. Cowards.
What I will do to snatch thieves:
Case 1: Theft on foot
I’d run after him, and I’d probably overtake him. As I overtake him, I won’t take him down him straightaway. I’d run abreast with him, look at him, and ask, “Where you running, ha? WHERE YOU RUNNING?? YOU WANNA DROP IT??” (I’d assume he won’t drop it, so more fun) Then I’d grab him by the collar and give it a sudden jerk. It’ll probably choke him. If the collar tears, then I’ll dive at his waist and bring him down.
Once he’s down, I’d pin him down to the ground, one hand twisted behind his back, and my right hand pushing his face down on the tar road. And I’ll rub his face on the ground until I’m convinced his mother cannot recognize him. I’ll make sure his lips rub the ground, because the lips have a good way of swelling. He’d look like a goldfish the day after. If he dares to turn around or refuses to give it up, then I’ll knock his eyes out. Not only will he look like a goldfish then. He’ll look like a raccoon-goldfish. And I’ll leave him with a parting one-liner: “Why don’t you pick on somebody your own size, coward?” Then take the booty, return it to the victim, and hope that she’s actually cute.
Case 2: Theft on a motorbike
Option one. If I’m in range with the motorbike, I’d poke a stick into the spokes of the tyre. He’ll probably fly like an eagle, and fall like an elephant. If he lands on his face, he’ll become a goldfish already, so I can skip the goldfish routine. Even if he still escapes with the booty, I’ll still have the wrecked bike. Eye for eye, tooth for tooth.
Option two. If I’m in range with the motorbike, I’d give the rider a violent push to get him to crash on his side. If an oncoming vehicle comes from behind, then I wish him all the best. No need for goldfish or raccoon routine.
They say you are who you are for a reason. And you have what you have for a reason. I’m glad that I’m a guy. I don’t have to fear snatch thieves as much. I’m glad I’m athletic. I can have physical superiority over snatch thieves. I’m proud that I have a scar that just grew on my left cheek. It enhances “the look”. And I’m glad that my father’s name is Jacob. Because the sons of Jacob will not be consumed :) And I will use what I have to uphold the suppressed, defend the oppressed, and make thieves depressed.
If there is any kind of people I hate, it is the thieves. Dem crooks. If they rob from the rich and give to the poor, then it may be a different matter. But snatch thieves prey on the little girls, old women, fat people, the immobile, the defenseless, the ones who can’t retaliate. And dem snatch thieves are thin, skinny and weak. Either that, or they are fat, clumsy losers who can’t find a better way to make money. That’s why they go for those who are weaker. Cowards.
What I will do to snatch thieves:
Case 1: Theft on foot
I’d run after him, and I’d probably overtake him. As I overtake him, I won’t take him down him straightaway. I’d run abreast with him, look at him, and ask, “Where you running, ha? WHERE YOU RUNNING?? YOU WANNA DROP IT??” (I’d assume he won’t drop it, so more fun) Then I’d grab him by the collar and give it a sudden jerk. It’ll probably choke him. If the collar tears, then I’ll dive at his waist and bring him down.
Once he’s down, I’d pin him down to the ground, one hand twisted behind his back, and my right hand pushing his face down on the tar road. And I’ll rub his face on the ground until I’m convinced his mother cannot recognize him. I’ll make sure his lips rub the ground, because the lips have a good way of swelling. He’d look like a goldfish the day after. If he dares to turn around or refuses to give it up, then I’ll knock his eyes out. Not only will he look like a goldfish then. He’ll look like a raccoon-goldfish. And I’ll leave him with a parting one-liner: “Why don’t you pick on somebody your own size, coward?” Then take the booty, return it to the victim, and hope that she’s actually cute.
Case 2: Theft on a motorbike
Option one. If I’m in range with the motorbike, I’d poke a stick into the spokes of the tyre. He’ll probably fly like an eagle, and fall like an elephant. If he lands on his face, he’ll become a goldfish already, so I can skip the goldfish routine. Even if he still escapes with the booty, I’ll still have the wrecked bike. Eye for eye, tooth for tooth.
Option two. If I’m in range with the motorbike, I’d give the rider a violent push to get him to crash on his side. If an oncoming vehicle comes from behind, then I wish him all the best. No need for goldfish or raccoon routine.
They say you are who you are for a reason. And you have what you have for a reason. I’m glad that I’m a guy. I don’t have to fear snatch thieves as much. I’m glad I’m athletic. I can have physical superiority over snatch thieves. I’m proud that I have a scar that just grew on my left cheek. It enhances “the look”. And I’m glad that my father’s name is Jacob. Because the sons of Jacob will not be consumed :) And I will use what I have to uphold the suppressed, defend the oppressed, and make thieves depressed.
