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BUT SO WHAT IF I SIMPLY SHOOT?
Sunday, August 01, 2004
Ever get those forwarded emails about life or friendship, those soppy ones, the ones lined with laces, decorated with nice butterflies and flowers? Either they have those cute puppies or piggies to add a docile, adorable theme to it? The ones that tell you to read it carefully, and you will find it meaningful? The ones that ask you to forward it to as many friends as you can, and if you get them back, it shows that they care for you too?
I normally won’t give two hoots for such emails. But this one’s an exception. Of all the forwarded emails I have in my mailbox, this one is different. No frills, no laces. No soppy lines. No cute puppies or piggies. All it has is an old, fat mouse on the header and the footer. (Too bad it can't be shown here) Hilariously crude, but it speaks some level of truth:
-----------------------------------------------------
As I Mature
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place!
I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
Pass this along to 5 friends... trust me, they'll appreciate it. Who knows, maybe something good will happen.
If not...tough shit.
-----------------------------------------------------
I normally won’t give two hoots for such emails. But this one’s an exception. Of all the forwarded emails I have in my mailbox, this one is different. No frills, no laces. No soppy lines. No cute puppies or piggies. All it has is an old, fat mouse on the header and the footer. (Too bad it can't be shown here) Hilariously crude, but it speaks some level of truth:
-----------------------------------------------------
As I Mature
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place!
I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
Pass this along to 5 friends... trust me, they'll appreciate it. Who knows, maybe something good will happen.
If not...tough shit.
-----------------------------------------------------
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