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BUT SO WHAT IF I SIMPLY SHOOT?
Thursday, March 31, 2005
What have I done, what have I done…
I’ve learnt the hard way about the foolishness of meaningless pursuits. I’ve chased after the wind. I’ve started a endeavour that turned out to be too great a cost.
Why did I let it drag on? Why did I let it continue, when I knew that it was already meaningless the day its first objective failed? Why was I so stubborn? Why did I not let it go? Why did I have to keep finding alternatives and means to squirm my way to a solution? Why am I so reluctant to give it up?
I am guilty. Guilty of falling into a trap. Guilty of failing to distinguish the line between wise perseverance and foolish stubbornness. Guilty of trying to carve a name for myself. Guilty of building my own tower of Babel.
I should’ve known better. How much more satisfying and fulfilling will it be if I had pursued things that really mattered. Of what benefit is all this to me? For all the time and effort invested in this endeavour, how much greater will the returns be if I had invested in eternity. I deeply regret for even conceiving this idea. I should’ve acted with eternity in mind.
I can deal with it if I am guilty on my own account. But I’ve led 8 people along to suffer with me. I’ve dragged 60 people to build Babel’s tower with me. God help me to clear my conscience.
What can I do now? I’ve led them to go too far, that there’s no turning back now. There is nothing left I can do, except to beseech the mercies of God. To plead His mercies, just to finish what was started.
I’ve learnt the hard way about the foolishness of meaningless pursuits. I’ve chased after the wind. I’ve started a endeavour that turned out to be too great a cost.
Why did I let it drag on? Why did I let it continue, when I knew that it was already meaningless the day its first objective failed? Why was I so stubborn? Why did I not let it go? Why did I have to keep finding alternatives and means to squirm my way to a solution? Why am I so reluctant to give it up?
I am guilty. Guilty of falling into a trap. Guilty of failing to distinguish the line between wise perseverance and foolish stubbornness. Guilty of trying to carve a name for myself. Guilty of building my own tower of Babel.
I should’ve known better. How much more satisfying and fulfilling will it be if I had pursued things that really mattered. Of what benefit is all this to me? For all the time and effort invested in this endeavour, how much greater will the returns be if I had invested in eternity. I deeply regret for even conceiving this idea. I should’ve acted with eternity in mind.
I can deal with it if I am guilty on my own account. But I’ve led 8 people along to suffer with me. I’ve dragged 60 people to build Babel’s tower with me. God help me to clear my conscience.
What can I do now? I’ve led them to go too far, that there’s no turning back now. There is nothing left I can do, except to beseech the mercies of God. To plead His mercies, just to finish what was started.
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